10 Uncomfortable Truths About Living Abroad
(Adapted from "7 Verdades Indigestas Sobre Morar Fora do Brasil" by Hermes C. Fernandes.)
Living abroad isn’t always as glamorous as it looks on Instagram. In real life, there are way more lonely Sundays, unspoken fears, and personal values no one else cares about than glasses of wine under the Eiffel Tower.
1. You will ALWAYS be a foreigner.
No matter how many connections you make, how fluent you are in the language, or how long you live there—you'll still be the outsider. In some places, people will welcome you like family; in others, they'll smile politely but grumble behind your back. You might dress like a local and act like one, but your accent, looks, or personality will give you away. Sometimes being Brazilian will make people smile; other times, it will make them judge you
2. Your impressive résumé might be worth as much as toilet paper.
People often see the negatives first: your visa doesn’t meet their needs, they prefer to hire locals, you don't have "enough experience," they need a native speaker, or your Dutch/English/French/Italian/Portuguese/German/Spanish isn’t good enough. And if you're offered a job way below your experience and you turn it down, the stereotype comes fast: "immigrants don’t like to work."
3. Not everyone will be interested in what you have to say.
Some people will be genuinely excited about your stories and explanations. Others will interrupt with, "you talk too much," "this is taking too long," or even, "I have no idea what you’re talking about." Some will recognize your intelligence — but... poor you, you don't have a local diploma.
4. You’ll always miss your family and friends.
It doesn’t matter how many years go by, how many new friends you make, or even if you build your own family. You’ll always miss your roots.
5. Sometimes you’ll feel like a failure.
Especially in places where displaying emotions isn’t exactly encouraged. You’ll cry alone many times, sometimes over things nobody else understands — and you'll be called dramatic for it.
6. Emotional support is rare — like finding a diamond.
Lose your job? Don’t expect many hugs or "everything will be okay" talks. Society tends to measure your worth by how much you can contribute, not by who you are. This utilitarian mindset even creeps into friendships and relationships... And sometimes, not even your family gets it. Instead of real support, you’ll hear things like, "Just come back home" or "If I were you, I'd have never left..." — as if leaving everything behind was that easy. As if going back would magically fix all the problems you have, as if your choice is an offense to them.
7. You may lose your sense of belonging.
You may feel like a foreigner abroad — and like a foreigner in your own country when you return.
8. Not every service is better than in Brazil.
Bureaucracy can be a nightmare, efficiency can be painfully slow (waiting 10 days for a simple email reply, for example), and there's often a reactive rather than preventive approach to problems. Then, when something happens... Well, Brazilians? We solve issues over a quick WhatsApp call. Elsewhere? Be ready to wait... and wait some more. First, they have to blame someone, then complain, then start to figure out, then contact a service and wait for more 30 days until its conclusion.
9. Yes, there are many advantages.
Less corruption, better safety, amazing places to visit, great transportation systems, better healthcare, better education, learning different languages, doing different things, etc. Living abroad can expand your horizons — but it can also shatter parts of you.
So, the real question is:
How much are you willing to let go of?
How much can you sacrifice?
How many times can you be underestimated before you crack?
How many lonely tears can you wipe away by yourself?
And last but not least:
10. Living abroad isn’t about right or wrong.
It’s not about winning or failing.
It’s about how much uncertainty you can handle without losing yourself.
Benalmádena, Spain. 2020. My very first year living abroad.
