Who cares for the carers?

 These days I asked my students what the occupations of their parents are. As most of them come from very traditional family settings, most of them answered "my father is a..." and "my mother doesn't work".

It surprised me how many of them believed that their mothers don't work just because they don't bring money home.

After our dynamic, I took two minutes of my class to explain to them about the concept of invisible jobs. I said, "ok... Your mom doesn't work... But who cooks? Who cleans? Who irons clothes? Who washes clothes? Who loads and unloads the dishwasher? Who provides care for your father to be able to go to work peacefully and be able to grow in his career and make his money? **Silence in class**

I'm not a full time housewife myself (And I honestly don't wanna be, because depending 100% on a man is not my idea of happiness. Plus the fact that most men, even the good ones, somehow throw at our faces how much THEY paid for this or for that, and most of them still think that the housework is not something to be valued).

Bringing this context to my own life...

Well, when people see an athlete in the podium, they have some clue of what it is for them to be there... 

But people have absolutely no single idea of what it is for the ones who live with them (boyfriends, girlfriends, wives, children, parents): all the logistics, cancelled plans, frustration, lack of parking spaces (which seems to be a cancer with metastasis in Belgium), fasting, trainings, weighting, tears, supplements, clothes, etc.

For me, girlfriend of an athlete, for instance, Sunday competitions are particularly overwhelming and the reason is simple: I work full-time time from Monday to Friday. So when the competition is on Saturday, it's fine because we just follow the thread.

For a Sunday it means sacrificing the wholesome of a Saturday: we have to watch out the food, the drinks, the sleeping hours, the muscles, the weather (to avoid allergies)... And even though I'm not an athlete myself, I kind of bend over some of these rules. 

Koen is a cool guy, I can see his effort to please me but what was supposed to be a day to chill out, to go to the cinema or whatever you name it, becomes a day of full concentration of efforts for the real deal. Then I also sacrifice my Sunday service at church in the morning, which is - pretty much - my only social contact in this country (apart from the Dutch course and my in-laws) to be in my best mood to give him support, to bear his insecurities and his mood swings - which is perfectly normal given the circumstances, and the huge amount of pressure a competition brings... And most of all, the huge amount of pressure athletes put on themselves (which most of times seems to be even bigger than the external pressure).

It's been four weeks now, four consecutive Sundays he participates in competitions. Four podiums 🥂🥳 🏆👏🏻 ❤️ But also four Sundays of stress, pressure and for me, particularly, an overwhelming feeling.

Everyone takes care of the athletes, of their health, of their food, of their work, of their sleep, of their performance, of their image, of their registration, of their hydration... 

But who takes care of the givers? Who takes care of the carers? Who cares for the needs, interests and hobbies of their partners? Who hugs them and says that everything will be fine when they are stressed out and overwhelmed?

Which running race organization really concerns about the carers? In providing them the bare minimum of a comfortable chair to watch the competition or place their bags? I've been to competitions with no parking, no seats, no lockers, no decent restrooms, no showers for the runners and no prizes. What do they do with all the money? I can count on my fingers (of one hand) how many competition places care for these things and offer these facilities.

Now, I go beyond...

Who asks the carers how they are feeling and what they need? Who holds their hands when they have their own insecurities? Who gives them reassurance? Who thanks them for all their effort and dedication?

Again, I'm not here to demeanor the crazily hard work of the athletes, take off their credits on their victories and good performances. They are fully responsible for their good results and deserve all recognition for them.

This text is dedicated to all the partners, specially women, who play this invisible work with little or zero recognition from their partners, sport community, and society in general.

I.See.You.